Dan Savage rocks the Chan Centre
Internationally syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage rocked his sold-out show at the Chan Centre on Saturday to a mixed crowd of giddy students, thirty-forty somethings and the odd silver-haired couple.
Walking onstage into the warm light of the Chan Centre, he surveyed the crowd and, holding up a big stack of questions sent in by audience members, said, “There are a shitload of questions tonight as there are a shitload of you,” to raucous applause.
For two hours he entertained in the Q&A format that popularized his column Savage Love. To witness Dan Savage live is to be dazzled by his quick wit and ability to ad lib a steady stream of insight with humour and sincerity.
Between comparing female genetalia to canned ham dropped from a great height (“It’s a compliment. Canned ham? I’d put it in my mouth”) and advising a person with a cross-eyed fetish to “give them the facial they never saw coming,” Savage gave personal anecdotes that spoke to his fight for gay rights.
Referring to a lesbian who was barred from seeing her partner in a Florida hospital while she lay dieing from an aneurysm, Savage said, “It makes me want to cry.” He admitted, had it been him, he would have lost it.
“In America, everyone is crazy,” he said. Vancouver was the city where Savage married his partner five years ago, and he’s noticed a marked difference in the way border patrol guards react to him when he tells them his relationship to his partner and their adopted son. In Canada, they say, “Welcome to Canada,” and wave him in. US border guards, on the other hand, regard Savage and his family with gross amusement.
Mimicking a US border guard, Savage leaned back and exaggerated a gut. “Huuh,” he hiccupped, shaking his head. Wrapped up in that amused “Huuh” is the intolerance that bars the way for equality for homosexuals.
The audience was sympathetic. The groans of disapproval were audible and more than a few tuts were sharp enough to resound in the auditorium.
The topic of hetero confusion, a mainstay of his column, cropped up more than once. In one instance, a woman wrote asking, “Why is splooging on your partner’s face sexy?”
“Why is it meaningful to men?” he mused. “Because it’s demeaning and degrading—it’s hot.”
Looking mock–indignant, he yelled, “What the fuck do you think is happening during cunnilingus?” Vaginas secrete in layers, so a woman splooges slowly on a man’s face while a man bursts out like a rocket. “It’s biology; we can’t help it,” said Savage.
“The idea that sex is cuddles and love and mutual affirmation is wrong,” said Savage. “Sex is about releasing your daily stress and tension and anger that’s bottled up inside of you….A relationship isn’t a deposition. You can’t tell the truth all the time, so to relieve the stress, you fuck the shit out of each other.”
“So, why does he want to blow a load on your face? Because he’s mad at you from three days ago.”
The audience erupted in laughter, and Savage continued, “Sex is about power and control. To answer your question, he hates you and you hate him.”
The rest of the night was given to penis bifurcation surgery, the flavour of semen (“it’s an acquired taste”), and the complexities of anal sex, which got the longest and loudest laugh of the night.
“Shit really is anal sex’s PR disaster,” began Savage. The misinformation that surrounds it is overwhelming. “Our asses aren’t a chocolate yogurt dispenser in Texas in the summer with the electricity turned off,” he said. “It’s not just dripping. Like, it’s not all this—” he broke off to laugh “—not all this, chocolate yogurt everywhere all the time.”
This had a woman screeching in laughter and babbling, “Oh-my-goodness. Oh. Oh…” several minutes after the joke was over. His final advice on anal sex: Know when you’ve eaten; when your bowls have cleared. In short, “Know your ass.”
ARTICLE CREDIT – THE UBYSSEY.ca
